American Idol: Season 8, Top 4
Rock and roll night! The stage itself is collapsing in excitement! Maybe the Idol sign will fall off and hit Adam Lambert! One can only hope, right? Besides, then we’d be treated to four weeks of Danny singing songs about Adam. Slash is here tonight! You can tell, he was kind of pissed that Matt was eliminated last week, because he wanted to share hat tips. Adam is dressed…exactly how you’d expect. Duets! They stopped the music awkwardly during the intro! This? Is American Idol.
Adam Lambert
Singing: “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin
Slash says: I don’t have any advice. I play guitar and this is a singing competition.
Performance: I’m just going to let you in on this right now: vocally this was kind of awesome. Like…this theme suits Lambert perfectly, because everybody back then dressed like a girl dressing like a guy, and he’s wearing fourteen layers of pleather, and I’m shocked that Slash didn’t have Axl Rose flashbacks and try to kill Adam here. I mean, I couldn’t care less about Adam Lambert, except that this was his week and he kind of rocked it.
Judges Say: We are on our knees waiting to sire your putrid love child.
I Say: Good vocals, even better gigantic costume jewelry necklace.
Change: +2
Score: +2
Allison Iraheta
Singing: “Crybaby” by Janis Joplin
Slash Says: You want to do Joplin right. Ok. Whatever, then.
Performance: Her hair is super cute in the mentor video, but then she let Adam’s people get at her (of course) for the performance, and she looks awful. Surprisingly, she’s able to limit her weird phrasings and vocal ticks, and gives one of my favorite performances of hers this season. It wasn’t spectacular or anything, but it was way, way better than I thought it was going to be, so I’ll give her that. She gets in a fight with Simon after the performance over her song choice, which spells DOOM!
Judges Say: We can’t get a bead on you, so we’re just going to talk nonsense.
I Say: A billion times better than the last several weeks, but probably too late.
Change: +1
Score: +6
Danny Gokey and Kris Allen
Singing: “Renegade” by Styx
Performance: You know what this show needs? More group sings! Danny’s trying desperately to out sing Kris. Kris is standing too far away from his microphone and you can’t hear him! They’re so sexy together. When they’re singing at the same time, it’s kind of awesome, but when they’re singing separately it’s kind of a hot mess. Simon says that Danny’s singing better, and they both look depressed. Awesome new addition to the show this year, guys. Part of the stage falls on Kris, and Danny’s like, “NOOOOOOO! Not again!” No, I’m just kidding. Danny didn’t care.
Judges Say: What a weird and exciting new addition to the show.
I Say: What exactly was I supposed to gather from this again?
Kris Allen
Singing: “Come Together” by The Beatles
Slash Says: I did everything I could to freak this poor kid out.
Performance: Didn’t Carly do this last year? Simon will probably hate it then. The Beatles were probably the best choice for Kris, because they’re the only kind of “rock” this kid could get away with, but he tried turning the band up to 11 on this one, and it didn’t really work, because his voice is way too melodic for any of this. His guitar playing was much improved this week, though.
Judges Say: This theme was obviously not your bag, but it was still kind of crappy.
I Say: Yeah, it’s back to the old, boring whatshisface, which is too bad because he’d really come on last month.
Change: -1
Score: +6
Danny Gokey
Singing: “Dream On” by Aerosmith
Slash: He needs to scream his depressed little heart out.
Performance: Freaky eyes! I don’t know what the hell he’s doing with the vocals here, but it’s not working. Dead wife insert! This is about thirty five different flavors of awful, because his vocals are way too laid back. His scream at the end was kind of painful, and I think we can thank Slash for that. I think everybody whose ever been on this show has done a better cover of this song. Brooke White’s was pretty awesome. Paula’s cleavage loves it.
The Judges Say: We have no idea what your genre is, but this isn’t it.
I Say: Huge step down from last week, and it was a huge mess.
Change: -1
Score: +5
Alison Iraheta and Adam Lambert
Singing: “Slow Ride” by Foghat
Performance: Fog hat! Alison is dressed as somebody going to a Halloween Party as a rockstar, and she actually looks pretty cool. Adam is dressed like…Adam. Alison forgets the words and looks uncomfortably over at Adam to save her, but Adam is too busy hitting on the guitar player. Poor Alison! They’re sort of rocking out! Alison has no idea what’s going on! Adam has more bling on than Mr. T right now! I hope he knows Cash 4 Gold’s number, because he’s going to need it when his album bombs after he wisn this show. This was way more awesome than Kris and Danny’s. Adam was built for 80s glam punk. Who knew?
Judges Say: Adam, you just saved Alison’s bacon.
I Say: A billion times better than the other one, but still don’t get it.
My Bottom Two:
Kris and Danny
Nobody died, so that’s one thing you can say for this. They didn’t have any rehearsals, so watching the pieces of the performance “reminders” they play at the end of the show is kind of rough. They picked Danny’s scream which was hilariously awful. Ok, so here’s how it works out. Adam’s safe. They want him to win the show, and also he’s totally going to make some weird sort of Aerosmith cover band after the show so that he can wear as much makeup and pleather as he wants, so this was his week to shine, and he did. Alison is safe because they paired her with Adam for the duets, and he saved her ass, even though she totally biffed the lyrics on slow ride and he didn’t cover for her.
So that leaves Kris and Danny. Kris has had a stronger overall competition, and is more different and interesting than Danny as compared to Adam and Alison. Danny had a good April, but his performance was just painful tonight. Every year around this time we have a “surprise” elimination, where somebody who never even came close to the Bottom 3 goes home. Danny’s never been in the Bottom 3 this season. Book it. He’s done.