American Idol: Season 8, Top 3
All was not On last week as Allison Iraheta said goodbye on “Garish Performance Night.” Thanks Slash, Gwen, and Paula! So, tonight is “Homecoming Night” which means these dorks got to go back to their dumpy home towns and cry. It also means that the judges get to pick a song! And that’s always terrible! So, this should be fun. Let’s roll.
Danny Gokey
Singing: “Dance Little Sister” by Terrance Trent Darby (Paula’s Choice)
Performance: Danny has no clue what this song is, which is always fun. I love his hometown radio station’s hastily put together computer paper banner. Like, somebody said, “Oh shit, the cameras are going to be in here?! Quick, somebody print out a sign that says ‘Go Gokey!’ This is a horrible song choice, especially since nobody remembers anything about Terrance Trent Darby, but Danny does admirably. PROP SAX PLAYER AND SCATTING! The camera is so excited that it totally misses half the performance while it’s flipping out in the crowd.
The Judges Say: The singing was dope, the dance was on dope.
I Say: He did what he could with whatever the hell song choice that was.
Change: +1
Score: +6
Kris Allen
Singing: “Apologize” by One Republic (Kara and Randy’s Choice)
Performance: Randy doesn’t get his own choice anymore! Poor Randy. I do like that they’ve picked a song people have actually heard of though. This isn’t the Timbaland version, so you can sing the “Yeahs” by yourself. If you’re like me, because I totally did. This isn’t bad, but it’s not…good either. Remember when David Archuleta did this during the finale last year? That was better. I don’t know if I can stand a Gokey/Lambert final. Who do you cheer for there?
Judges Say: A competent, but not special performance, and now we’re going to argue.
I Say: I’d rather he stay in and be part of the finale, but this didn’t help him.
Change: -1
Score: +5
Adam Lambert
Singing: “One” by U2 (Simon’s Choice)
Performance: Simon gets to namedrop Bono, because apparently he asked Bono’s permission personally to let this shit go down. And if there’s any artist I can equate with Adam Lambert, it’s Bono. I don’t even know if I’m kidding there. It’s not that it’s horrible, but like everything Lambert, it’s the High School Musical version of this song. It doesn’t have nearly the impact that the original did, and friggin’ Bono sang that. I keep expecting Zach Effron to come out here and cock punch him. Or maybe kiss him. I literally cannot tell anymore.
Judges Say: We’re letting our petty bickering take over the discussion of your performance.
I Say: It wasn’t great, but it was fine. Simon says that Adam must be in the finals, and every time he says that, it galvanizes the audience for the other two, so here’s hoping.
Change: +One
Score: +3
Danny Gokey
Singing: “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker (Danny’s Choice)
Performance: I forgot to compliment Paula on her choice of a song that had nothing to do with a certain dead wife, but Danny’s going back to the well. Weird arrangement here, because he’s basically whispering the first half of the song, and the second half of the song is one giant five minute run. Which is kind of annoying, really. But “kind of annoying” is both the best and worst I can possibly say about Mr. Gokey, so I guess I’m going to go back to that well.
The Judges Say: Ok, Kris is done? You should be in the finals then.
I Say: Mostly Harmless.
Change: +/- 0
Score: +6
Kris Allen
Singing: “Heartless” by Kanye West (Kris’ Choice)
Performance: Holy shit. Really? Awesome. He does it like a ballad, instead of a ridiculous electronica centerpiece. It actually kind of works though. This is probably my favorite performance of anybody this season, which is kind of ridiculous. Way to wait until it’s way too fucking late to have your “moment” there, Kris. So ridiculous and awesome, I don’t even know where to go with this.
Judges Say: You were in it to win it, baby. Better than Kanye, dog!
I Say: The best performance of the season, which is too bad.
Change: +2
Score: +7
Adam Lambert
Singing: “Crying” by Aerosmith (Adam’s Choice)
Performance: Ooooof course. I’m actually kind of shocked he didn’t pick something from Rent or something, but glam rock will work just as well. Typically overdone and terrible, and just the kind of thing that the judges desperately want him to do. I’m really running out of ways to say that I cannot stand this guy, but I’m going to have to come up with new ones for next week, so I’m just going to stop right there.
Judges Say: We’re already putting together a line of Adam Lambert eye liner, so you better not lose.
I Say: I hated it, but I don’t vote, so I’m not going to complain.
Change: +/- 0
Score: +3
My Bottom Two:
Kris and Danny
No big shocker there, right? Simon played it smart by begging people to vote for Adam at the end of the show, so that he doesn’t look like an idiot like he did with Melinda a few years ago. The fact is, however, that Danny and Kris have been so equally mediocre throughout the season, that one has to question who’s more ready to take on the Adam marketing machine in the finals.
I’ve written Kris off multiple times, first because he was boring and earlier tonight because he was kind of terrible, but “Heartless” saved his ass. His performance was spot on, and is the only performance this season I’ve thought about downloading on iTunes. Danny was good, but predictably mediocre, which won’t help him at all. I’m thinking that Danny’s gone tonight, and Adam and Kris have the biggest Good vs. Evil finale since David vs. David which happened…last year. So…Whatever.