American Idol 2009 Finale
It’s the grand finale! Seacrest is already warning us to set our DVRs for an extra half hour of crap next week. It’s just like wrestling, and Adam Lambert is John Cena. Or the Miz. I can’t tell which. We’re down a Gokey from last week, but Kris is the only one who has any shot here against Lambert, so…let’s roll with it. This? Is American Idol.
Adam Lambert
Singing: “Mad World” by Tears for Fears (Year of Your Birth Week)
Performance: This was actually one of the few performances of his that I enjoyed on its own merits this season, so it’s probably a good choice for him. I’m also digging the six inches too long trench coat too. His voice is cracking all over the place. I can’t tell if that’s “artistry” or not. I do love the super full force fog machine they’re pumping out. This song has gone one about two minutes too long, and has gone from being pretty good to being sort of annoying. Just like Adam Lambert! Maaaaaad WoooooRLdddd! Matt Giraud looks like he’s going to stab a bitch.
Judges Say: This was your best song, and you sang it again.
I Say: It started off solid and really tailed off, but it was good.
Change: +1
Score: +4
Kris Allen
Singing: “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers
Performance: I just sort of realized that Kris talks like Shawne Mullins, but doesn’t sing at all like him. Is that weird? I think it’s weirder that I know what Shawne Mullis talks like. I’m a little surprised he went with a brand new song choice here instead of hitting the “Heartless” well again, given how big the response to that was. This is pretty good, but it’s a little too bland. I like the prop orchestra, and it’s a nice performance to listen too, but like early season Kris, if you’d ask me if I will remember this next week? No.
Judges Say: Just a little better and you still have an outside shot at this thing.
I Say: Too laid back, but it was not bad by any stretch of the imagination.
Change: +/- 0
Score: +7
Adam Lambert
Singing: “A Change Is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke (Simon Fuller’s Choice)
Performance: Aww, I miss Nigel’s hilariously bad song choices. Simon Fuller’s aren’t much better though, so…Adam’s starting off with the horrible notes, which is how you know this is going to be great. Actually, I kind of love this, because by not letting Adam sing his 80s hair music, they’re leveling the playing field. You can’t glam rock “A Change Is Gonna Come.” Adam tries like hell though, including a nine minute long unnecessary glory note thrown in there for no reason! Yay!
Judges Say: For no apparent reason, we’re all slobbering over this performance!
I Say: Not great, mostly because this was way outside of his wheelhouse. This might be the first time I’ve said the word “wheelhouse” this season! I almost made it!
Change: -1
Score: +3
Kris Allen
Singing: “What’s Goin’ On?” by Marvin Gaye (Simon Fuller’s Choice)
Performance: Katie Holmes is covering Suri’s ears in the audience. What’s the point? This was actually a pretty solid choice. Nigel would’ve picked “Enter Sandman” or something. I love that Kris has the whole street busker band happening at the front of the stage. I feel compelled to throw quarters at him right now. Overall, it’s a solid performance that doesn’t overstay its welcome. Lambert could learn something from that. Randy has the gall to compliment the song choice, and Kara’s head starts bobbling all over the damn place.
Judges Say: It was a fine performance, but didn’t have enough umph.
I Say: Didn’t outstay it’s welcome, which was nice, but yeah, another performance I won’t remember.
Change: +/- 0
Score: +7
Adam Lambert
Singing: “No Boundries” by Kara DioGuardi
Performance: It was actually “co-written by Kara DioGuardi,” but they don’t say who the other person was. Did she really need help? Isn’t this kind of the reason they put her on the panel, so she could write this damn song every year? I thought Adam was breathing too heavily into the mic, but it’s actually a really awful drum machine. Awesome. Kris’ version of this song is going to be terrible, because it was clearly written with Adam in mind. I’ll give it this, it is not as horrible as other Idol songs. It’s still terrible, but not as terrible. Why do you need a drum machine AND a drummer? Ok, I officially hate all of this. This whole package. Lambert, the song, the drum machine, the whole thing. Sorry. Sorry! Cathy Dennis and Mitch Allen were the other writers! Thanks, Kara! It took three people to write that! Three! Simon hates it!
Judges Say: We’re getting our crown ready to coronate you the master of our collective universes.
I Say: Patently ridiculous in every conceivable way, which is why I hate it and why he’s totally going to win this thing.
Change: +/- 0
Score: +3
Kris Allen
Singing: “No Boundries” by Kara DioGuardi, Cathy Dennis and Mitch Allen
Performance: This doesn’t sound as ridiculous as I thought it would, but it’s still not great, because Kris essentially has to shout the whole damn thing, because the song was written for Adam. If this is released as a single it’s going to be awful. So awful it will be awesome, so I’m kind of all for it. He’s not hiding behind an instrument, so his facial tics are front and center. Randy is hilarious in saying that he thinks the song fits Kris better, and Kara looks like she’s going to barf because she totally wrote that song for Adam. I think Kara secretly wants Kris to win just because.
Judges Say: Let’s see how many ways we can be oddly dismissive of you.
I Say: The odds were kind of stacked against Kris here, and he couldn’t overcome them.
Change: +/- 0
Score: +7
The WinnerI>
Adam Lambert
They clearly want Adam to win, which made the Sam Cooke choice even more baffling, but if that wasn’t clear before, that shouty ass single should have sealed the deal. Kris put in a typically workman like performance, but I think he was just as clued into the fact that Lambert was supposed to win this so he dialed it down several billion notches and handed over the title. I mean he didn’t even do “Heartless” which was his best performance of the season.
Carrie Underwood rolls up on the joint to sing her song to take us out of the season. It was kind of weird, because on one hand, I think it was ultimately one of the better groups of talent out of any of the seasons, but it was a lot less entertaining than some of the messes that we had last year. Just as a point of comparison, I ended up downloading several songs last year from contestants, but this year, I downloaded one. And that song was performed in the second to last week of the season.
I don’t know what that means exactly for the show. When you put better talent on a singing show, and end up with a worse product then it’s all kind of a loss. But in that way, Adam Lambert is kind of the perfect winner for the 2009 Idol Season. Very talented, but kind of a terrible end product.