American Idol ‘10: Top 12 Perform
OMG Idol’s back! And there’s Ellen, and Simon looking really uncomfortable. I thought he’d be happy that this was going to be his last year. It’s kind of funny though, that it took this long for Ryan to actually threaten physical harm to Cowell unless he said something nice about a contestant.
Simon name drops Susan Boyle, for no particular reason, in this episode as well. So let’s look at who we’ve got. A bunch of skinny white kids, a linebacker, an African American woman who’s wheelhouse is NOT soul ballads (country!), a Starbucks barista, and somebody named “Siobhan.” That’s not a real name! But This…Is American Idol!
And it’s Rolling Stones week! Somebody please sing “Start Me Up” and thrust their crotch in Ellen’s face. That’d be one way for Katie to break out of her pageantry image. Why is Ellen dressed like Dr. Who?
(Idol Drinking Game for Tonight: Every time Kara looks totally pissed off and clearly wants Ellen to shut up so she can repeat everything Ellen and Randy just said, Drink. Two drinks if she actually physically motions for Ellen to wrap it up, and I’m warning you that she actually does do it once in this episode)
(Editor’s Note: I wrote this piece before the results show, but didn’t have a chance to post it until tonight. So now you can laugh at me)
Mike Lynche
The Song: “Miss You”
The Performance:
Big Mike continues to be all about the charisma and not the singing. He’s got an ok voice, but everybody does this year. So it wasn’t anything particularly special, but the guy’s got personality to spare, and he’s going to be sticking around for a while.
I don’t think he’s going to win. He’s not good enough. But he’s going to be one of those contestants that’s going to have plenty of time to work on his banter with the crowd, and he’ll probably get a nice job in Vegas or something after this is all over.
The Judges Say: It was good, but a big corny for what it was.
I Say: Pretty, much. I still love him, but he’s not my favorite by far.
Score:+/- 0
Didi Benami
The Song: “Play With Fire”
The Performance:
Oh my God! American Idol answered my prayers and gave Brooke White another shot on the show! Wait…You mean this isn’t her? Ok, fine, this is actually one of Didi’s best performances. I don’t think she really knows what to do with the stage or cameras or whatever, but I love her voice.
I’m honestly kind of curious what she does with the other theme weeks this season. Country is going to be brutal for her. She forgets the lyrics a couple times which is a big no-no, but even Simon waves it off, which he hasn’t done since Archuletta used to do it all the time, so they must like her.
The Judges Say: You were really nervous, so we’ll let that one slide.
I Say: Fine for what it was, but not really a vocal showcase for her.
Score:+/- 0
Casey James
The Song: “It‘s All Over Now”
The Performance:
His video package is one of the very few that I actually watched and had a greater appreciation for him after seeing it, but the vocals here weren’t any good. It really showcased him as a guitar player, which would be awesome if this were America’s Next Top Guitar Player.
It wasn’t a terrible performance or anything, but I just don’t really think he has that ability to win this. Ellen finally gets in a good line about how lesbians probably aren’t voting for Casey based on his looks, while Kara’s back to full-on humping.
The Judges Say: We really liked what you did here, but you‘re not going to win.
I Say: Great guitar playing, pretty mediocre singing.
Score:+/- 0
Lacey Brown
The Song: “Ruby Tuesday”
The Performance:
Lacey broke out the full orchestra! They sound amazing, and it’s a really cool vibe for this song. Um…Lacey is ok, but it’s kind of one of those situations where she’s got one of those voices that is never, never, ever going to fit with a Rolling Stones song. Ever.
And it doesn’t. I mean it’s…ok…but she doesn’t really do much with the orchestra. Randy’s right (?!) that the vibe was way way better than the performance. I think that will help her. I think she was way better when she got to pick her own songs, but this is going to be tough for her.
The Judges Say: We love the arrangement, but that’s kind of it.
I Say: I like her voice, but theme weeks are going to kill her.
Score:-1
Andrew Garcia
The Song: “Gimmie Shelter”
The Performance:
Somebody quick, compare this to his Hollywood Performance! Which was really good, but not worth mentioning Every. Single. Week. He’s actually slowly devolving into Taylor Hicks as we speak, which is both scary, and scarily entertaining. I wonder if Taylor would get a neck tattoo.
It’s entertaining in the same way that early Taylor was too, in that the vocals were all over the place, but loud and fun, and he’s not quite rolling around on the floor yet. He’s getting there though. The judging is kind of weird, because everybody just wants to give Andrew a hug, and I think Simon wants to make out with him. Kara wants him to be wearing a uniform and driving a tank, which is cool.
The Judges Say: Hey, remember when you sang that Paula song? That was sweet.
I Say: That was nothing special, but then again, Taylor Hicks did win his season.
Score:-1
Katie Stevens
The Song: “Wild Horses”
The Performance:
Kind of interesting, because there’s a version of this song by the band “The Saturdays” which I really love, and I think Katie’s probably heard that version because this is, note for note, pretty much the exact same arrangement. And it actually sounds pretty good. Her voice is really flat in some parts, but it’s not exposed as much as it has been in the past.
I’m really curious to see how she does if she sticks around, because eventually she’s going to have to do something more up-tempo, and that’s where she’s either going to have to find her vocal range or get booted, because she can’t subsist on these sleepy, morose covers any more.
The Judges Say: A billion times better than last round, but find a better stylist.
I Say: I love this arrangement of this song, so she gets a pass from me this week.
Score:+/- 0
Tim Urban
The Song: “Under My Thumb”
The Performance:
Tim is this season’s, “I don’t know what I’m doing here, so here’s some shit” contestant. Can’t belt out a Mick Jagger song? Do a lazy reggae cover of a Rolling Stones song. I mean…I kind of want to see him stick around to see what level his batshit crazy gets to. Will he go Brooke and have a nervous breakdown on stage? Or will he go Sanjaya and just start doing the weirdest covers possible?
I don’t see him sticking around much longer, if at all after tonight, so I’ll just try to enjoy this performance for what it was. A wide-eyed, scared version of a Rolling Stones song that I could totally hear at Rainforest Café or in an elevator and I wouldn’t bat an eye. He even gets the Simon “I hate this song anyway!” blow off.
The Judges Say: What the hell was that bush league resort nonsense?
I Say: I want to hate this, but I can’t. Hilarious!
Score:-2
Siobhan Magnus
The Song: “Paint It Black”
The Performance:
She’s the kind of weird that only a girl named “Siobhan” could be. Her voice doesn’t match the song at aaaall. Like, it’s weird and all over the place. But it’s weird and all over the place and totally awesome. She’s just all over the stage and it’s kind of intense and awesome and the best performance on this show in, like, a year.
I mean, it’s like…I would never, ever buy an MP3 of this, but I would watch this performance a million billion times. And then she screams at the end. That’s not even a note, that’s like a primal screech. Where in the hell does that come from? It has nothing to do with the song or anything. Just…weird. But awesome.
The Judges Say: Wow. What the hell was that? You‘re our new favorite.
I Say: I’d probably better get used to spelling Siobhan for a while.
Score:+2
Lee DeWyze
The Song: “Beast of Burden”
The Performance:
This year is full of totally awesome names, I’ll give it that. Lee is like a prettier version of Elliot Yamin, who isn’t any good. I shouldn’t say that, he’s ok. He’s got that same weird gravelly voice that a Elliot had, but he just doesn’t have the same range or ability to really connect on the notes.
That having been said, I don’t really like this song, so maybe that’s informing my opinion making here a little too much. I don’t think he has a shot in hell at winning this thing unless he does something big one of these weeks. But he’s well enough insulated that he’ll have plenty of chances to be vaguely interesting but really boring at his core. OH MY GOD! He’s Danny Goeke!
The Judges Say: We know Danny Goeke, and you, sir, are no Danny Goeke!
I Say: So mediocre he’s got to be safe for a couple weeks, right?
Score:+/- 0
Paige Miles
The Song: “Honky Tonk Woman”
The Performance:
Hey, she’s gotten the memo that she’s this year’s “Country Singer.” I kind of expected this to be a train wreck of epic proportions, but it wasn’t. It was actually kind of underwhelming and safe. Which is, in it’s own way, kind of cool and boring. I mean, it was kind of weird, yeah. But kind of great in it’s own way.
She’s going to be one of those ones, I think, that goes a long way in the show (longer than you think), and has some success after the show doing the whole “Idol Country” thing. Her singing doesn’t blow me away like, say, Siobhan or Crystal’s. But she’s a really good singer.
The Judges Say: We‘re kind of surprised you‘re still here, but that was pleasant.
I Say: I’m not the biggest fan, but this was actually pretty good.
Score:+1
Aaron Kelly
The Song: “Angie”
The Performance:
Hey, his mom is WWE Diva Kelly Kelly Kelly! Awesome! He hasn’t been around long enough for him to really annoy me with his tween stylings, but he’s already getting there, which isn’t a good sign.
So, he kind of just mumbles his way through the song, which works in a weird way. Kind of like when somebody goes up to do a karaoke version of a Dylan or Neil Young song, and they just ignore the lyrics and grumble into the mic, and it just works. This was really bad, but it worked. Which is, like, the theme of the night, I guess.
The Judges Say: You’re no Justin Timberlake or even Justin Bieber. But not bad!
I Say: Not bad actually, and when we hit Neil Young week this guy’s golden.
Score:+1
Crystal Bowersox
The Song: “You Can‘t Always Get What You Want”
The Performance:
She just looks so out of place on the Idol stage, it’s funny. If this really is going to be the last “real” season of Idol, it’s kind of fitting that it would be won by somebody who is sort of the antithesis of the show. All the contestant’s dads look exactly the same this season which is kind of hilarious.
Anyway, I don’t know what to say about the performance really, because it’s fine, but it’s really super boring. And Simon dropped the “Chosen One” moniker way too early. That killed poor Carly Smithson, and she was horrible after that, and it’s killed Doolittle, Archuletta and Adam Lambert the past few seasons (thankfully, honestly). But she didn’t exactly do herself any favors by being boring.
The Judges Say: You’re going to have turn up the heat there, Chosen One.
I Say: I like her fine, but I’m not going to look back in awe at this performance.
Score:+/- 0
Bottom Three: Katie Stevens, Tim Urban, Lacey Brown
Lots of potential targets tonight, even from some of the heavy hitters like Crystal (who might be overlooked), Mike (who was kind of blah in the opening death spot) and Lee (who just wasn’t very good), but I don’t think there’s going to be a shocking elimination on the level of Alexis from last year quite yet.
It’s going to be hard to rustle up votes for Katie, who is a pageant princess, but isn’t as practiced as say, Kat McPhee where she can connect with a big audience. Lacey suffers from being sort of a bargain basement Shiobhan, in terms of both her looks and her voice. Tim Urban suffers from being a…bargain basement contestant on this show. Though that worked well for Jason Castro amongst others.
But seriously, any one of them can go home, but Tim seems like he has the least built-in audience, and Aaron kind of stole his tween thunder this week, so I can’t expect that he’ll be here next year unless he’s this year’s cockroach.
Prediction: Tim Urban
March 21st, 2010 at 7:32 pm
Geez, everytime I see blogs this good I just want mine to be there already!
Great work.