American Idol ‘10: Top 9 Perform
Beatles Night! Sort of! It’s the “Lennon/McCartney” songbook, which means that nobody can sing that one song Ringo wrote a long, long time ago. Maybe somebody will hit up something from Wings. No? Ok then. I thought for sure Siobhan would hit up some random stupid track from the Post-Beatles McCartney oeuvre.
No guest host, so we’re just getting videos of the contestants saying what they “really” think of each other. Oh, if only that were the case. We also get Paul McCartney making noises and pointing at himself like he’s 12, so…this show is just destroying people left and right, isn’t it?
Ryan’s in the control room, the judges are actually wearing people clothes (mostly, Randy, mostly) this week. They can’t screw up the Beatles, right? At least for the first week. Let’s just forget how they screwed it up by doing two weeks last year. We can do this. What’s this? American Idol.
(Idol Drinking Game for Tonight: Drink every time a contestant makes a veiled insult about another contestant during their video package. Sorry, Siobhan!)
Aaron Kelly
The Song: “The Long and Winding Road”
The Other Idols Say: Dude is, like, 10 years old. All the time.
The Performance:
The mumbles are attacking the hell out of the Beatles tonight. It’s almost like he picked this song because he figured, “Well, I’m going to be as boring as humanly possible, so I might as well pick the most boring possible song!” Maybe he’s angling for a spot on the “I Can Dream” house.
I was reminded, during this performance, that David Archuleta did this during that Beatles-fest a couple years ago. I think Aaron’s just going ahead and glomming onto that comparison as much as possible. David wheezed, though, Aaron. Not mumbled. The judges are asleep at the table. That’s not good news.
The Judges Say: Zzzz…what? Oh…you’re finally done? Ok. Good night!
I Say: He didn’t have wind chimes to save him this week.
Score: +1
Change: -1
Katie Stevens
The Song: “Let It Be”
The Other Idols Say: We almost forgot Katie was still on the show.
The Performance:
She “Let It Be” (Get it? Because the name of the song…Oh never mind) and was actually pretty damn good. Katie’s actually dressed like a normal human being again, which is nice to see. I actually kind of like the frilly boots thing she’s got going on. She also looks scared as hell to be out there, which is weird for this point in the competition, but ok.
Vocally, it’s not bad. She’s no Brooke White, so she didn’t really have a “moment” with this, but everybody’s right, she’s so much better this week than she was last week. I actually think her nerves kind of help her here, because so obviously being a wreck makes her more vulnerable, which makes the song come off that much better. She is Brooke White!
The Judges Say: That was way, way better, so much so that you’ll probably still be in the Bottom 3.
I Say: She’s so much better when she doesn’t try to do anything weird or stupid.
Score: +3
Change: +1
Andrew Garcia
The Song: “Can’t Buy Me Love”
The Other Idols Say: Everybody is going to miss Andrew next week.
The Performance:
Andrew took the cue from Big Mike last week, and is performing behind the judges in the hopes that not being able to look at his goofy ass will help him. He’s got this fascinating arrangement where the band is basically playing every instrument at once while he gargles out a classic Beatles song.
I mean, it’s kind of hilarious, but has nothing to do with this competition. Maybe if they were doing Burt Bacharach night. We haven’t done that in a while, right? That’s in the Andrew Garcia wheelhouse. Which is a step up, because to this point, his wheelhouse is pretty much just, “Songs girls sing.” Simon goes ahead and throws Ricky Minor and the band under the bus, because he wants to burn every bridge on his way out.
The Judges Say: We couldn’t see you, or hear you over the band.
I Say: Hilarious, but not hilarious enough for me to enjoy it.
Score: -2
Change: -1
Mike Lynche
The Song: “Eleanor Rigby”
The Other Idols Say: Eyyyyyy!
The Performance:
The Lynche Mob, Big Mike? Really? To be fair, even he seems to realize that that was probably not the best name for his band. Everybody loves Big Mike in his video package, but I think him constantly being Big Mike is kind of wearing on them. A big hug from the Lynche Mob will solve all of that though.
This starts off as a big mess with him just kind of speaking the words from down in the orchestra pit, and once he gets started, it doesn’t really get a whole lot better, to be honest. Mike is a good entertainer, and this was definitely a better performance than it was singing. It’s not exactly a shock that Ellen and Kara loved it and Simon hated it.
The Judges Say: The parts that worked, worked, dawg.
I Say: I’m not exactly on my way to download this version.
Score: +2
Change: +/-0
Crystal Bowersox
The Song: “Come Together”
The Other Idols Say: She is literally our mom. Stop nagging me, Crystal.
The Performance:
Crystal is so totally their nagging mom. But when Aaron loses his baby teeth, she’s going to steal them. Crystal’s wardrobe tonight is provided by Ragstock again, so I guess that was just a one week deal, guys.
So, she’s got a didgeridoo player on stage with her, which she made the Idol producers go find for her, which is totally awesome. Like holy shit. Unfortunately, the guy nearly dies playing his ass off and he’s really poorly miced so you don’t really hear it at all. They bring him back out at the end to stand there with Crystal which is weird and awkward. Then Ryan makes him play again which makes him die right there. Poor guy.
The Judges Say: We don’t know what the fuck was up with the didgeridoo there.
I Say: If Crystal continues being awesome and weird, I can get behind this.
Score: +4
Change: +1
Tim Urban
The Song: “All My Loving”
The Other Idols Say: STOP SMILING! YOU’RE REALLY ANNOYING!
The Performance:
Tim’s got the Beatles haircut, which is nice. He says that he picked the song because he could smile during it, but then he doesn’t smile at all because he’s having his own private freak out session on stage. Simon looks like he’s about to die at the judges’ table.
Why? Because this is actually sort of…good. Like, he’s not threatening to turn the world on its ear or anything, but he actually sort of feels like he belongs in the competition this week. It’s probably because he practically is a Beatle. Dude can’t play the guitar at all, but the singing was on point anyway. Simon actually basically gives him a standing ovation.
The Judges Say: That was really terrible…wait…no it wasn’t.
I Say: This poor kid finally got it all figured out.
Score: -2
Change: +1
Casey James
The Song: “Jealous Guy”
The Other Idols Say: Yeah, he’s attractive, get over it.
The Performance:
Guitar Idol continues! I’ve never heard this song, so I have no idea where in the world it came from. So I guess I can’t really comment on the music itself, except to say that it’s my least favorite Lennon/McCartney song tonight. He should’ve pulled out a George Harrison classic.
As for the actual performance, it’s pretty good. Vocally it’s the best song he’s done since the preliminaries. He’s really gotten into the character of a brooding, intense jealous guy. He’s up there, in terms of talent, this season. He still hasn’t had that one really “great” performance yet this year, but this is as close as he’s been so far.
The Judges Say: Your most soulful performance in weeks.
I Say: You should teach Tim how to play guitar.
Score: +3
Change: +1
Siobhan Magnus
The Song: “Across the Universe”
The Other Idols Say: Girl…you need to lose some of that crazy.
The Performance:
Of course she’s doing “Across the Universe.” What other song would she do? “Imagine” maybe. The big question coming out of this, of course, is “What is Siobhan wearing?” That’s the new game to play every week. This weak? A vest, a gigantic feathered bath robe, and go-go boots. Trust me when I say it’s faaaaaantastic. Especially when she’s surrounded by leftover effects from a planetarium.
She is, however, back to that thing where she sings every song from the back of her sinuses. Like, there’s “nasally is a form of singing” and there’s, “Hey, Siobhan, your vocal cords aren’t in the back of your head.” That said, as a performance, I loved it. She’s so goofy and the song and performance are so out there together that it all just works.
The Judges Say: You’re weird as hell, and that’s what we want to see.
I Say: I can’t help but be a little in love with this whole mess.
Score:+3
Change: +1
Lee DeWyze
The Song: “Hey Jude”
The Other Idols Say: Lee hates everything about himself, except how much he loves Andrew.
The Performance:
Lee has this perpetual, “Oh no…what am I doing up here?” look on his face that never goes away, despite what the judges want us to believe. The guy hasn’t found his swagger, he’s just singing better. The look on his face still wants to go home and hide under the couch.
Ok, but let’s get to the main event. Because, everything was going fine, Lee was doing that same cover of “Hey Jude” that every band on the planet has done, and doing it pretty well. But then, Lee not only steals a page out of Crystals book, he steals the book and then throws it at her, with a bagpiper marching down the stairs in full regalia. This shit had me rolling for about an hour after the show. Like, I don’t know what he was going for there, but whatever it was…it was awesome.
The Judges Say: We were all about that, until dude walked in with a bagpipe.
I Say: I was not all about that, until dude walked in with a bagpipe.
Score: +2
Change: +1
Bottom Three: Andrew Garcia, Tim Urban, Aaron Kelly
Can I just vote to keep the bagpipe and didgeridoo guys around? I think that’d be what’s best for this show. But seriously, the bottom three should be pretty cut and dry this week, with maybe Mike and Siobhan slipping in due to shaky performances, but I really doubt that will be the case.
The thing about it is, that while I think Andrew is the obvious choice, I even said so last week, I just can’t see him going home quite yet. So the choice comes down to the two tween idols, Aaron and Tim. And of the two of them, Aaron has the most to worry about, because he was boring as hell this week, and you can’t get away with that on this show for very long.
That said, I think Tim is the one who is probably going home. “But why?! Tim had a good performance this week!” Exactly that. People who were voting for Terrible Tim to be hillarious won’t vote this week because he was actually halfway decent, and the people who are voting for him because he’s cute won’t vote because they think he’s safe. It’s the old Sanjaya trap! Poor Timmy.
Prediction: Tim Urban