Hock Show NFL Power Rankings for Week 9
1. New England Patriots
Last Week: 3
The Pats still have plenty of question marks defensively that they won’t be able to answer just by waving them away come playoff time. I mean they nearly got torched by a one legged man and Tavaris Jackson.
2. New York Giants
Last Week: 5
The NFC East is coming unraveled at the seems, and the Giants’ upcoming schedule is kind of a joke. If they can stand pat, they’ll be the top seed in the NFC.
3. New York Jets
Last Week: 1
Ah, there’s the Jets offense we all know and love. Mark Sanchez dropping back, throwing to no one in particular, running backs wandering into the line. If only they could score a couple points they’d be unstoppable.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 2
You know what this team needs to get back on track? A Big Ben scandal. Is there any girls in the greater Pittsburgh area who are DTF that would be willing to volunteer to help the Steelers out?
5. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 10
I’m still not impressed, but they’re certainly in the driver’s seat now. Unfortunately for the Packers, being in the driver’s seat this year has mostly meant crashing and losing half your team to injury.
6. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week: 4
Despite their defense looking old and haggard, the Ravens keep winning and are an early season favorite. Joe Flacco still looks like Bert, though.
7. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 7
It never ceases to amaze me. I could be out there right now running routes and Peyton Manning would find some way to win with me as a receiver.
8. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 9
We’re far from doing the “Dirty Bird” again, which is good because that’s a 15 yard penalty now, but the Falcons are looking good mid-season.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 12
Didn’t anyone tell the Bucs they’re supposed to be terrible? Because they are. They’re supposed to be just awful. What the hell happened here?
10. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 11
Oh, and don’t get me started on these guys. No quarterback? Running back? Receivers? A defense that doesn’t know zone coverage from man to man? Of course they’re going to be a top ten team. What?
11. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 14
The Saints are significantly mediocre, but maybe that will be enough this year. Getting Reggie Bush back certainly won’t hurt, that is, if he ever decides to come back. Maybe USC made him a better offer….
12. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 5
These guys need a bye this week. Not only is Vince Young hurt and Kenny Britt out, but Randy Moss needs to grow into criticizing a team’s catering. He needs a chance to ramp it up before his rambling Week 10 press conference.
13. Houston Texans
Last Week: 6
Sadly, Aryan Foster and the rest of the Texans learned that you only really get one shot at weird domination of the Colts. Unless, for whatever reason, you’re Ron Dayne.
14. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 18
The Dolphins are hanging in there, if by a thread. I think it’s pretty clear, though, that the “Just throw a bunch of random names together” approach is really only working in Tampa and Kansas City this year.
15. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 13
The Michael Vick Era begins anew! Again! Seriously, though. Kevin Kolb had his shot and he was terrible, so it should come as no real surprise that Vick’s getting another chance. To also be terrible.
16. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 17
Ah yes, our first NFC West team. Way to be the cream of the toilet, Seattle. Though I’m sure you’re pretty used to that moniker by now.
17. Saint Louis Rams
Last Week: 28
Let the Sam Bradford for MVP campaign begin. Yes, the Rams are still pretty horrible, but Bradford’s lead them to more wins in his first season than they had in the past two seasons combined!
18. Washington Redskins
Last Week: 17
Yes, because when I think “Great conditioning” and “Good at leading the two minute drill” my thoughts immediately turn towards Sexy Rex Grossman. Because if there’s one thing that guy’s good at, it’s long passes when his team’s under pressure.
19. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 16
It’s sad to think this team’s actually still in contention for something, because clearly they’re more dysfunctional than the next ten teams on this list. But hey, you throw enough long passes to nowhere, eventually your team’s going to catch one. Just ask Rex Grossman!
20. Oakland Raiders
Last Week: 21
The Raiders are on a roll! The defense is finally playing pretty well, and the offense…well…Darren McFadden is finally showing some signs of life. Of course, Al Davis isn’t but that’s just crazy ol’ Uncle Al.
21. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 20
Another week, another close loss. This team is the sad clown of the NFL. Getting rid of Randy Moss was the right move, as now they can enjoy their terrible buffets in peace and make fools of themselves by themselves.
22. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week 22
Unfortunately for the Jags, they’re mired as being the worst team in one of the better, if most mediocre, divisions in football. I don’t care if David Garrard throws for ten touchdowns in a game, they’re still not making the Playoffs and he’s still David Garrard.
23. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 24
Now this is a Detroit Lions team worth watching. Smash mouth, hard nosed football. Beating the Redskins so bad they got confused and put Rex Grossman into the game!
24. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 19
So, Max Hall wasn’t the answer, and Derek Anderson certainly isn’t. What about Matt Leinart? No? Too soon? Well, what the hell is Kurt Warner up to these days? Bristol Palin, maybe?
25. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 23
Tim Tebow Alert: Tim Tebow may get a chance later this year to play quarterback. He’s really excited to take the field, though he’s not sure how he got the proper paperwork to rejoin his old PeeWee football team.
26. San Diego Chargers
Last Week: 25
Yes, I am well aware that they won. What do you want, a cookie? Unless they can pull another miracle run out of their ass like they have the past couple seasons, this team is less than worthless in the AFC right now.
27. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 26
Well, this is sort of getting embarrassing. At least T.O. and Ochocinco have their broadcast and dancing careers to fall back on, what does the rest of the team have? Jordan Palmer can’t even make a career out of being Carson’s brother anymore!
28. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 27
You know it’s bad when Jerry Jones, the Cowboy’s biggest fanboy, basically says, “You know what? Time to pack this thing in.” Somewhere, Bum Phillips is muttering that Wade should’ve worn a cowboy hat.
29. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 29
Well, the career of Colt McCoy, NFL Quarterback, is certainly off to a roaring start. I think I saw highlights where he threw a pass almost ten yards downfield. If he keeps working on that arm strength, he might have a completion this season!
30. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 30
Mike Singletary looks like the walking dead on the sidelines these days. Even when the 49ers win. Maybe they can petition to play the rest of the season overseas though? That’s where Troy Smith gets his power.
31. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 31
Steve Smith apologized after letting a pass doink off his facemask in Sunday’s game. Though, to be fair to Mr. Smith, I didn’t think Matt Moore could get a ball to him either.
32. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 32
There’s nothing left to say about the Bills. Just…move to Toronto already, you guys. Even when the offense is actually moving the ball, the kicker suddenly can’t kick.
November 4th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Your reverse jinx will not work! There’s no way Green Bay is the fifth best team in the league, ahead of Atlanta, or KC, or Baltimore. And that’s a Packers fan saying it.
November 6th, 2010 at 1:16 am
Green Bay is going to win the NFC North running away unless something catastrophic happens to Aaron Rodgers and either Chicago or Minnesota (please?) suddenly get their heads on straight.
You can’t say that about Atlanta or basically any team in the AFC. They may not be a “better” team, but they’re certainly in better position than almost anybody.
November 7th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
I’d agree with that, but there’s a difference between rankings and making a list for the playoffs. And before today you absolutely could have made an argument for KC having an easier run to the playoffs.
But I’m posting this after the SNF game, so instead I will say that I appreciate your visionary genius and soothsaying powers.